tucker, an interlude - E

"Hello, thank you for calling Kelloggs. My name is Becky, how can I help you?"

"Hey, this is Tucker. How are you?"

"Oh, I'm fine thanks. How are you?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine."

"Well that's good! What can I help you with today, Tucker?"

"I just wanted to call and ask you about Pop-Tarts. I got a couple questions about 'em, actually."

"Oh, okay. Liiiike...?"

"Like, what happened to Frosted Vanilla?"

"Ahh, Frosted Vanilla? We stopped making those a while ago, it was, mm, probably a year or more, I think. Yeahh, I'm sorry about that."

"Oh, I see. It was kind of my favorite. You guys don't, like, do special orders for them or anything?"

"Mm, no, I'm sorry. We, uh, stopped making that flavor, once it's done it's done."

"Oh, I see. You think it'll ever be back, or?"

"Umm, I don't think so, but I mean, I don't know for sure, so."

"Okay, yeah, I see. Also, how dangerous is your product?"

"...I'm sorry?"

"Dangerous. How dangerous is it to eat Pop-Tarts?"

"How dangerous is it...to eat Pop-Tarts."

"...I ask because a friend of mine ate your Pop-Tarts and died."

"Ah, uh, I'm...Sorry to hear about that, sir..."

"It's fine, don't worry about it. He was kind of an asshole anyway."

"Uh--"

"I mean, I've eaten a lot of these things but I've never seen any warning labels or anything. So what's the verdict on these?"

"Well, uh...I guess if you're, like, allergic to them or something it could be--"

"Oh, he wasn't allergic. He fell asleep at the wheel and ran his car into a tree."

" ... "

"And he wasn't really my friend. He was more like my neighbor."

"...Are y--"

"And I used to take his newspaper every morning."

" ... "

" ... "

"...Sir, I don't think it's dangerous to eat Pop-Tarts unless you're allergic."

"What if you choke on them? You could probably choke on them, too."

"I...Guess? You could choke on anything really."

"Not pudding. You'd practically have to breathe pudding to choke on it, I think. So it's not really that dangerous then, you think?"

"I really doubt it."

"Well that's good to know, Becky. Really puts my mind at ease. Hey, who's your supervisor?"

"My supervisor? Um, her name's Angela, why?"

"Good. No reason. Could you connect me with Angela please?"

"I, uh...O...kay? She'll be with you in a moment, sir, thank you for calling Kelloggs."

---

"Thank you for calling Kelloggs. My name is Angela, how can I help you?"

"Hey Angie. Do you have to say that every time?"

"Yes, Tucker, I have to say that every time. You really shouldn't be doing this. I have a cell phone. They record these calls, you know."

"I know. It's just a lot more fun this way. You don't tell the newbies about me?"

"Listen, just...Send me a text or something and I'll check it at lunch. Okay?"

"Fine, all right. Just don't ignore me this time."

"Okay, fine. Is there anything else I can help you with today, sir?"

"Yeah, bring back Frosted Vanilla."

"Thank you for calling Kelloggs, have a great day."

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